If you are a dog, mermaids are real.

Think about sea lions. What are they? I’ll tell you what they are: an animal that is one of the closest relatives to dogs, lives in the ocean, and even looks like a cross between a dog and a fish. THEY ARE THE MERMAIDS OF THE DOG WORLD. If I was a dog, and I ran into a sea lion, all barking at me and shit on the beach, I would freak the fuck out. I’d be all “What the fuck is this? Is this for real? Motherfuckin’ Harry Potter shit right here.”

It’d be fucked. I’m going to organise a visit to the aquarium for me and my dog so I can witness his little mind explode.